Category: crime


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Foreword: The following story is based on true events. It also references several historical and fictional stories and characters. We, here at Tango, hope you enjoy this twisted tale as much as we enjoyed putting it together. Peace and blessings to all. = >

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One of our favorite things to do here at Tango is to combine real life events with fictional stories. This one has been in the works for a good while now. Hope you enjoy reading it as much as we enjoyed creating it and putting it together. Peace and blessings!!!

Dear Bro & Co.,

From the opening thumps of bass and the first twangs of the guitars to the catchy chorus, every kid seems to be captivated by BOC’s song, “Godzilla”; and mine are no exception. It was a childhood favorite of mine and it does a nostalgic heart good to see my own kids be-bopping and boogey-ing to the bombastic brilliance of the Tyrannical tune. Kiara has an exceptionally cute stomp waltz.Eye Screams 11 Mathias? Slam dance.
The other day, I was racking my brain for a way to motivate the kids to eat a supper that isn’t exactly their favorite. Having exhausted my usual means of parental demands, threats, and bribery – I was now grasping at straws. AHA!! They like to stomp, dance and roar like Godzilla, maybe they would eat like him too.
On goes the song:Eye Screams 2
Predictably, Mathias gulped his down, Kiara danced and picked around….slowly nibbling at hers, and KeiLynn….well, I’m not exactly sure as to how much, if any, that she actually ate, but she did a great job of spreading it around everywhere. Oh yeah, most importantly, she didn’t let it get cold.Eye Screams 3
….speaking of things being inflamed, I was in the breakroom yesterday, and found a typed letter on the refridgerator. It would seem that we have a thief in our midst = a narfer of food, a refridgerator raider. The victim? Greg Williams, one of our P.M. shift leads: a tall, lanky black fella with long dreads and an easy smile – when no one is stealing his ice cream, that is. Eye Screams 4
Greg’s nasty gram consisted of one paragraph. In summary, it spoke of the lengths Mr. Williams had gone to to obtain the Buster Bars from the lone Dairy Queen here in the Metroplex. Then he explained to the culprit the definition of theft making sure the nefarious no-good-nick knew that he was, indeed, a thief. The letter went on to say what a serious scoundrel the inscrupulous individual was: not only did they steal an ice cream – they stole the last two Buster Bars leaving my braided buddy…busted. Eye Screams 51
Greg, a normally friendly happy-go-lucky kind of guy, must have taken it pretty hard. He signed off, “I HOPE YOU BURN IN HELL!!!” I, sensing and sharing my commarades pain and betrayal, added to the letter, “There are no Buster Bars in hell. Enjoy them while you can, Sucka!!”
…..speaking of dastardly deeds, I am reminded of a story, the story of the Big Palooka.Eye Screams 6
The Big Palooka, also know as Rin, hadn’t been himself lately. He was a comfortable fellow. A creature of habit and set routines with a reserved disposition and an easy-does-it attitude. All of which lead others to refer to him as “Ol’ Reliable”. But lately, he hadn’t been reliable. And, he hadn’t been comfortable – his routines were off.
He had called out from work – more than usual. He had been late several times. He wasn’t functioning well, not thinking clearly. He wasn’t himself. He felt sluggish, tired – exhausted. He wasn’t eating right. There was no time for excersize, and no energy. And sleep?? – An old acquaintance that rarely stopped by any more and then only for a little while – just enough to tease his tired, tortured soul. He was no longer Rin the Ol’ Reliable Rhino; he had morphed into someone else, something else…..the Big Palooka.
His was a tired, weary soul indeed, but it was nothing compared to the mental angst and torment that was to come.
It was a cool, Autumn night getting on close to midnight – hence the reason for this late evening run: returning a movie rental to the store to avoid the dreaded and unnecessary late fees. Surprising his son, and even himself, Rin woke the young boy from his beginning slumber to tag along. Fin eagerly obliged slipping on his jacket and slippers. After completing their task, they cruised the streets of their neighborhood talking and listening to some of the rockin’ tunes playing on the radio. The joyride ended abruptly.
Why had he done it? What was he thinking? It didn’t make sense. How could he have been so foolish? Fin was nearly 10; big for his age – he could reach the pedals now. He had steered the vessel home several times and had driven once – figure eights circled slowly in an open lot. But, it was nothing like this: actual driving on a road with other vehicles coming and going. It was dark – he wasn’t used to the glare of oncoming headlights. He wasn’t used to the feel of the gas and the brake pedals. He was wearing slippers for pity’s sake!! It was foolishness!! Madness even!!! Rin knew it was a bad idea, but he made the kid drive anyways. Fin ever so carefully eased onto the road then the headlights appeared and the young, inexperienced Rhino panicked. He stomped the gas pedal and veered right…..
They went right, looping around the stop sign in a U-pattern – right into a fence. Now Rin was the one in a panic.Eye Screams 7
First, he made sure Fin was okay. He was just rattled, but unharmed. Then Rin’s muttled, sleep deprived brain began racing. No one seemed to notice. The injured residence was quiet. No one came from across the street. Even the lone car that had startled the young motorist had passed on by as though they hadn’t seen what had happened. Maybe no one saw it happen!!
Rin barked orders and the smaller Rhino obeyed as they quickly exchanged places. At least they wouldn’t find a minor behind the wheel. Still no one. The Big Palooka decided to make a run for it. He pealed back off the curb and sped away from the crime scene like a bank bandit. Their house was only one street over, but he couldn’t chance anyone seeing where he lived; who he was. He drove past and exited the neighborhood – slowing and calming down so as not to alert the police (whom he knew must be on the way) as to who he was or what he had done.
Eye Screams 9 They re-entered the neighborhood on the opposite side after having driven around a discreet number of minutes – each of which seemed to tick off an eternity. Home at last!! They pulled into the drive and quickly turned off the lights. As per the Palooka’s instructions, they exited the Rhinomobile and went straight in the house without checking the bumper or doing anything else that might look suspicious.
Eye Screams 8 Rin had told Fin not to say a word to anyone, especially Mama. He did his best to assure his young pup that everything would be ok. He also made sure that Fin understood that what had happened was Daddy’s fault and not his. Fin was soon tucked in and resting easy. Rest would not come easy for the Big Palooka. This was to be the first of many a long night for Rin Rhino.
Rin confided in his wife, Lynn, what had happened. He thought it only right and fair in case they came to haul him off to jail. She should at least know why. Lynn, the ever loving and compassionate wife that she is, comforted him in that special way that only she could….reassurance that “everything will be alright” accompanied by relentless teasing and sarcasm. God, he loves this woman!!!
Eye Screams 10 Of course, they talked about all the options open to them – some way to apologize and compensate the owner of the broken barrier. Rin wanted to “man up” and confess to the guy – offering to pay for and make the repairs himself of course. Surely the guy would be understanding and accepting of such penitent terms…..then again, maybe not.
Eye Screams 111 …..So it was settled – they would send an anonymous letter of apology with cash to cover the repairs.
To say that Rin felt guilty was putting it lightly. In his mind, what he had done surely would have condemned him to Dante’s 12th circle of hell right alongside the likes of Hannibal Lecter, Adolf Hitler, and the guy that narfed Greg Williams’ last two Buster Bars. Eye Screams 12
Rin’s paranoia grew. They were watching his every move. He knew it. He could sense them, feel them…..almost see them. They were everywhere. The eyes…..were haunting him!!!
His mind began playing tricks on him; conjuring images from his past. Haunts from his childhood. Seeing things that were not there. Hearing things that don’t exist. Contorting reality into nightmare; the familiar into the strange. Eye Screams 13
Feeding the paranoia was fear – something that Rin was not accustomed to. He feared very few things in life – prison was one of them. He had heard stories, perhaps watched too many episodes of Law & Order, and listened to too many snide references to the ambiguous behemoth usually referred to as “Bubba” that was sure to be waiting to make the next cell mate his involuntary bride. To compound these fears, Rin had just finished one of the cops & robbers novels that he was so fond of: in the story, a judge pulled a defendant into private chambers for sentencing (the judge had great disdain for this particular offence) and as a parting shot laughed menacingly as he told the detainee, “Enjoy the sound of your farts while you still can. Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!!!”…..Such thoughts were too much for Rin to bear. To be in such a precarious situation where he found his most precious liberty to be the sound of his own flatulance. God have mercy!!!

The Resolution
God was indeed, merciful. A couple of hours after work the next day, Rin worked up enough courage to drive by the scene of his crime….incognito and in his other vehicle of course. Not only was the damage not as bad as he had initially thought; the homeowner (who happened to be a handyman) had already replaced the two cracked boards on the fence panel. So, as it turned out, the most damaged thing throughout this entire ordeal was the Big Palooka’s conscience….and his wallet. Two weeks later, he sent an anonymous (fingerprint free) envelope to the assaulted address with $175 – hopefully more than enough to cover damages and emotional grievances.
As the days wore on Rin became more at ease, and with the passing time, his fractured brain repaired until once again, he was fully functional and at peace. When the dust had settled, the Big Palooka was gone, but a Rhino remained. Rin was back, once again reliable; and having weathered this storm of adversity – wiser and greatful for mended fences, and greatful for freedom. And while some might hear freedom in the chiming bells of liberty, the sounds of children’s laughter, or the singing of the birds; our hero had discovered the greatest Anthem for Freedom in the sound of an audible poot. Eye Screams 14

All rights reserved. Stories and illustrations by B.C. Lamb; use with permission only.

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Story and illustrations by B.C. Lamb. Use with permission.

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