Dear Bro and Co.,

Over the years I’ve always been one to brag about my wife being hot. Now she is for certain; and in more ways than one. The good news is that the window unit that we installed is keeping her cool and happy. The bad news is that it is turning our bed into a glacier. I can no longer cuddle with my polar bear of a wife, as any contact makes her “unbearably” hot.
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I now sleep with a stuffed giant sea turtle under layers of blankets to stay warm. Amanda calls it my cocoon.

Funny thing is, I thought when you emerge from a cocoon you are supposed to be spectacular, like a butterfly. I come out of mine…..and I’m still just a worm/caterpillar.
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Going back to the room being cold; one night I was sleeping pretty heavy and I must have drooled a little bit. When I woke up the next morning my face was frozen to the pillow. I can’t wait for Baby KeiLynn to get here, hopefully Amanda won’t have to turn into a polar bear again…..at least, not until menopause.

By the way, do you ever wonder why it is that all those unpleasant things that women go through have -men- in the title? Like menstrual cycles and menopause….. no wonder they don’t like us sometimes. It should be femstrual cycles and femopause or something like that. Leave us men out of it, we get in enough trouble as it is.

With summer winding down football season is fast approaching!!! The one thing that rivals food and sex. I don’t know which I’m more excited about – KeiLynn being born or the start of football. I’m jonesing pretty bad this year.
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I’ve got a crazed look in my eyes, the shakes, and frothing at the mouth…..all signs that: (A) I still have rabies. (B) I’m about to get some! (C) Football is imminent. Of course I have to say that I’m more excited about KeiLynn’s arrival, and she is probably the only one that will watch an entire game with her Daddy….even if while drooling on my shoulder or napping in a swing. The only way to bond any closer is to go out in the wild and kill and grill together. In time we’ll do that too!!!

Speaking of killing things….im my attempts to eradicate the ants infesting the yard, I have sprayed on three separate occasions with three different types of poison. Do they die? No. They either migrate or flourish and thrive all the more. Now its just like giving them steroids. The solution? I think I have one. Amanda and the kids have been wanting to get a dog for some time now. Other than being a mild deterrent to trespassers, “little yelpers” don’t serve much of a useful purpose. So, why not get an aardvark instead!!! (1) It would eat the ants. (2) We would have a pet. (3) What would scare a bad guy more – a common dog or a freakin’ aardvark?!?!?! That dude would crap down both legs and run away crying for sure! The more I think about it, the more I like it. I just have to check on the price and make sure that aardvarks aren’t unusually aggressive toward humans. =)
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See? We could make the world a better place…….one slacker at a time!!!

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Love and God bless,
Uncle Buck “Wango” Lamb and the Tango Tribe