Just a little side note;  Please remember that these stories are exaggerations and satirical in nature.  Keeping that in mind, enjoy!!

Dear Bro and Co.,

     As you know, we just got our cool, groovy new Purple Haze Carpet.  (Cue in Hendrix, please.)  It’s seemingly opened up a whole new world for the kids – especially Kiara and her Spider Man hopper-ball; she is as ruthless as she is fearless. 

     Mathias has always been quick and at times relentless when given opportunities to agitate his sister; and Kiara has never hesitated to retaliate.  Mathias knows better than to strike or physically harm her and Kiara seems to have a growing awareness; and she is taking full advantage – her counter strikes are nothing short of brutal….

     How did that verse go again? – The wages of sin are death, and the wages of picking on your little sister are getting you butt kicked!! 

     We’ve let it go for a while hoping Mathias would learn his lesson; unfortunately, there seems to be a natural law in place:  going against his usual disposition (a really cool, nice kid) and against his good sense and better judgement, he is compelled by nature and instinct to rattle her cage time and time again despite his knowledge of the impending throttling that is sure to come.  Also, we have to intervene now to teach Kiara not to arbitrarily use violence to resolve conflict – not only is she good at it, she seems to enjoy handing out beat-downs a little too much now. 

     Where do such sorry behaviors come from?  I believe mostly from instinct – due to our fallen, fleshly natures – but, of course, some of it is learned; and where are such behaviors learned?  I, as the most obvious choice as suspect and sorry role model, would like to pass the buck and blame it on……

     …..the Grandpa and Grandma Mafia!!!

     They were in rare form right from the start.  “Yeah, yeah, good to see you too.  Now be quiet and stay out of the way you little punks and no one will get hurt!”

     Mom and Dad were tired from travelling and of each other; the kids were hyped up from having new carpet and seeing the dog again – it made fo a rough mix.

     I guess that’s what you do with your good foot after 60.  Exaggerated?  – yes, but not by much.

     We’ve never watched the “Kill Bill” movies – not really our type of show; but when Mathias put in his “School House Rocks ” DVD, I thought we were for sure going to see “Kill Bill Vol. 3″…..Yeah, we turned that off real quick.  Have Mercy!!!!!


This last week, we discovered that if I blow on the back of KeiLynn’s head, she makes this crazy little smile face.  It’s pretty funny.  Thankfully, through all the chaos of moving furniture, having carpet put down, and a flock of grandparents, she has remained calm and pleasant – the coolest and best of babies.  If I were to start a band right now, I would name it “Punim Head” in her honor.

Day 2 – Battle of the Papa’s

     Troy was in a competition – he just didn’t know it.  It was a lot like that movie “Meet the Fockers” – Dad had the anything you can do, I can do better vibe going on.  And, it all started around lunch time….

     Troy was going to eat the last leftover Braum’s burger; Dad beat him to it.  Then when Dad heard that Amanda was making Troy a wrap – he changed his order, “I’ll have what he’s having.”  After Amanda had gotten everyone else’s food she was finally able to eat her own lunch; as she started out of the kitchen, there sat Dad like a helpless, demanding baby bird chirping, “Where’s my other wrap?  I want another wrap!”

     Apparently, they were good size wraps.  Mom tried scolding Dad, but this time, he fought back.  I don’t know if it was him refusing to be emasculated in front of others; or if being deprived of decent food for so long had made him deranged and crazy – he fought for it, and he got his second wrap.  Troy only ate one. 

     Dad went on to eat more pizza than Troy at the party.  Heck, I think he may have eaten more than the rest of us combined.

Eating:  Papa Mike 🙂  Papa Troy 😦

     Troy had to sit out the Wii competition due to a bum knee.  Dad didn’t brave the Hot Wheels game – it can be a bit intimidating; but he jumped at the opportunity to bowl.  With each strike and spare, our old man danced a jig, gyrating back and forth right in front of Troy who cringed in abject horror.  Zelda, Amanda’s grandma, told Dad that a swing like his should be hanging from a tree.

Wii:  Papa Mike 🙂  Papa Troy 😦

     Although Janie certainly does have her moments, there really was no contest here:

Angriest, Naggiest Wife:  Papa Mike 🙂  Papa Troy 😦

     Dad Celebrated his victory later that evening with a bowl of ice cream and a couple of hours of T-time:  time with the toilet wishing he hadn’t eaten so darn much.

     Mathias seemed to genuinely enjoy his day;  the pizza, the cake, the Wii tournament, and his new presents:  an orange bean bag, “Bedtime Stories” DVD, the Human Torch Transformer, and some new clothes.  He’s a pretty easy-going kid that kinda reminds me of Cal off the movie “Waitress”.

When a lady asks Cal if he is happy, he responds: “Happy enough.  I don’t expect much.  Don’t give much.  Don’t get much.  But, I genuinely enjoy what comes my way.  That’s my truth, summed up for your feminine judgement.”

Mother’s Day

     Mom, unlike Mathias, seems never to be happy.  I wish she were, that she could be, pray that she will be.  I believe Jesus forgives all sins, heals all wounds, and cures all diseases and ailments; but, with mom it seems that there is no fix for crankiness. 

     That being said, we love her and are certainly glad to have her as our mom.  She is a blessing; but as has been said, “Sometimes it’s better to love her from a distance.”

Love and God Bless, Uncle Buck “Wango” Lamb and the Tango Tribe