Archive for June, 2011


If you wish to see any of the pictures in larger format, just click on them and then when done, click the back button to continue reading!¬† Enjoy! ūüôā

Dear Bro and Co.,

¬†¬†¬†¬† All this talk of “sexy” vampires and romantic love with the undead got me to thinking, “who could really benefit from the whole Vampire thing?”

¬†¬†¬†¬† …..speaking of creepy:¬† ūüôā

     It finally happened!  I went to put on my shoe the other morning and I felt a lump.  I reached in the shoe to see what it was and, low and behold Рthere it was.  The nail had been bothering me again lately and sure enough, it happened Рmy funky toe had fallen off right there in my shoe!!!!  About the only thing weirder looking than a funky toe is a missing toe. 

¬†¬†¬†¬† Thankfully, this was a false alarm.¬† ūüėȬ† The only thing KeiLynn likes better than eating her food is slinging it all over the place.¬† I was the unfortunate benefactor of one of the bites of hot dog that she had decided to launch the night before.¬† At 0400 in the morning, the mind can play terrible tricks on you….I’ve got to stop leaving my work shoes under the high chair!!!¬†

¬†¬†¬†¬† …..speaking of me feets; the other day, I was relaxing on the bed while Amanda was busy at the computer.¬† Kiara came in and got to dinking around and the next thing I know, she’s pulling my shoes and socks off.¬† Then she gives my feet a hard look, snarls up, and says, “I’ve got to clean your feet, Daddy!”¬† Sure.¬† No problem.¬† “Go right ahead, sweetie.”

¬†¬†¬†¬† I figure she’s gonna “clean” them with a wipe or wash rag.¬†Cool, it will just add to my relaxation after a long day.¬† I closed my eyes and settled in for what I thought would be a nice session of pampering, but then……

     Once again, the Might-E Pack-E-Derms known as the El-E-fonts assert their authority over the alphabet jungle.

     Wucky Рthe Wampire Wat finds himself in a precarious situation after getting overly anxious and aiming too high for his next meal.

                                        El Chupa Cabra Revealed!!!!

¬†¬†¬†¬† El Chupa Cabra (the Goat Sucker), the legendary creature thought to be a myth by most, has recently come forward to the press and public for the first time.¬† Speculation has abounded as to what he is, exactly.¬† Predominant theories suggested that he was merely a hairless or mangy coyote.¬† According to “Chupa”¬†whose real name is Steve, he is a dwarf vampire who is extremely shy due to “being buck-fanged and all”.¬† He has signed up with the Gothic dating service – Equally Cloaked – and is looking for “a hottie” with lots of livestock.¬† He said he was emboldened by the success of the “Twilight” series books and even more so the movies stating that, “people are more accepting of vampires now” and “If that doofy British dude, Edward, could land Bella, I know I can surely hook up with someone.”¬† Good luck ladies!!!!!

¬†¬†¬†¬† …..speaking of El Chupa Cabra, we mustn’t forget to mention the news of a new challenger to the fanged menace.¬† Who is this daring defender?¬† The Hoofed Hero?¬† This Champion of Can Chompers?

   

 

  Known to most as the meek and mild-mannered Billy; with the devouring of roughly a dozen half-empty beer cans Рa mere goat is transformed into: 

    

 

 

He claims to have a sidekick that he refers to as the Great White Buffalo; but of course, as of yet, no one has seen it.¬† ūüôā

 

¬†¬†¬†¬† The other day Kiara brought in a book about space and asked me to read it with her.¬† We started with Earth, then the Sun, and then the moon.¬† Kiara quickly pointed out the craters to me and began to explain about how SPACE GOPHERS lived in there.¬†¬†¬† I’m sure my drawing isn’t an accurate re-creation – as I can’t remember all the details of this infinitely fascinating creature.¬† Oddly enough, I do recall that she said that they eat SPACE ELEPHANTS.

   

 

 

¬†…..speaking of unexpected attacks – it’s happened!!¬† The cereal killer has struck once again!!!

¬†¬†¬† Seriously, who hasn’t, at one time or another, thought of knocking off Sonny the CoCo Puffs bird?¬† He is seriously annoying.

¬†¬†¬†¬† …..Speaking of errant thoughts, there I was, about to partake of the Holy Sacrament and in the midst of thanking Jesus for His sacrifice on the cross and praying that my heart would be ready for Communion, a strange notion popped into my head:¬† To a carnal mind of someone with no real knowledge of Christ and spiritual principles; the Eucharist could seem like a radically cryptic ceremony – all these people sitting around with crackers and juice talking about eating some dude’s flesh and drinking his blood.¬† All of which got me to thinking – maybe being a Christian in addition to being infinitely better, is even more radical than being a vampire.¬† This, of course, inspired a story…..

¬†¬†¬†¬† Our story begins one sultry night in the year of 1580 deep within the mountainous country side and blackened forests of Eastern Europe.¬† By now, tales of vampire’s ruthless acts and supernatural powers have spread and grown into legend.¬† It had become so easy preying upon the weak held captive by fear and superstition.¬†

¬†¬†¬†¬† He had studied her for some time now, watching from the shadows.¬† She was different from the others – special; she had a glow, a spirit within.¬† He had decided; she was no victim – she was to be his bride:¬† the crown jewel of his harem.¬† He emerged from the darkness stirring just enough to rouse her from her slumber.¬† She quickly sat up alarmed and ready to resist her attacker; but there was no panic – he couldn’t¬† smell the fear as he had in the others.¬†

¬†¬†¬†¬† He spoke softly, “Do not be afraid.¬† I am Lord Griegory, Count of Tangosylvania, Nosforatu of these lands.¬†¬† Grace, I have come to give you an offer.¬† I offer you immortality.¬† :{

¬†¬†¬†¬† She replied with a steady whisper, “I already have the promise of eternal life.”

¬†¬†¬†¬† Thinking that she must belong to another Nosforatu, his eyes narrowed and he trembled with fury.¬† “By whose blood?!?!” he demanded.

¬†¬†¬†¬† “Jesus, by Jesus Christ’s blood.”¬† She replied.

     How dare this Jesus to trespass on to his territory!  He would quickly dispense of the intruder and return for his prize.  Without a word he turned and disappeared into the shadows.  Invoking his supernatural abilities, he transported himself through time and space in order to confront this Jesus face to face.

     The man known as Nicodemus had just exited the house; and there inside, Jesus remained sitting alone.  All at once, the Nosforatu emerged ready to confront and battle his new nemesis. 

¬†¬†¬†¬† Immediately, upon entering Christ’s presence, Lord Griegory knew – this was no Nosforatu.¬† He felt things he had never felt before:¬† he felt fear.¬† He felt he must know who he was dealing with before he could attack.¬† Perhaps stating who and what he was and verbal threats would intimidate Jesus into vacating his territory and denouncing any claims to Grace.

¬†¬†¬†¬† “I am Lord Griegory; Nosforatu!¬† I have been here for over six centuries.”

¬†¬†¬†¬† Jesus answered, “I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the ending; which is and which was, and which is to come, the Almighty.”¬† Revelation 1:18

¬†¬†¬†¬† Griegory, “I am a King of the living dead!”

¬†¬†¬†¬† Jesus answered, “I am King of Kings (1 Timothy 6:15); I am the Living Bread. (John 6:51)”

¬†¬†¬†¬† Frustrated now, the vampire demanded, “You must release the girl to me!”

¬†¬†¬†¬† Jesus answered, My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me:¬† And I give unto them eternal life; and they shall never perish, neither shall any man pluck them out of my hand.”¬† John 10:27-28

¬†¬†¬†¬† Griegory stormed, “Perhaps you do not realize the scope of my powers:¬† I can transcend the boundaries of space and time; I can transform into other forms; I can possess the soul and control the will of mortals.¬† Grace will be mine!”

¬†¬†¬†¬† Jesus answered, “Neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth,¬†nor any other creature shall be able to separate My children from Me.”¬† Romans 8:38-39

¬†¬†¬†¬† At this, the vampire raged.¬† He raised up and growled, “I am the night!!”

¬†¬†¬†¬† And, Jesus said, “I am the Light.” John 9:5

¬†¬†¬†¬† Suddenly, Griegory recoiled back, vexed and confused; he gasped, “Who are you???”

¬†¬†¬†¬† Jesus answered, “I am the Son.”

¬†¬†¬†¬† Griegory’s eyes widened in terror and recognition and then –¬†he was no more.¬†

¬†¬†¬†¬† The next morning, Peter shows off the pile of smouldering ash he had found earlier……

¬†¬†¬†¬† Interestingly enough, Griegory’s brother, Edvard, suffered a decidedly less resplendent, yet a highly publicized demise in a bizarre turn of events in, of all places, Des Moines, Iowa on January 20, 1982……

     Wherefore God also hath highly exalted Him, and given Him a name which is above every name:  That at the name of JESUS every knee should bow, of things in heaven, and things in earth; and things under the earth.  And that every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.  Philippians 2:9-11

Love and God bless, Uncle Buck “Wango” Lamb and the Tango Tribe

If you want to see any of the pictures in large form, just click on it and then click the back button to get back to reading.¬† Enjoy!¬† ūüôā

Dear Bro and Co.,

¬†¬†¬†¬† As you know baby KeiLynn continues to grow, learning new things everyday.¬† Right now, she is in the pulling up stage where she looks like a very small, happy, drunk prisoner trying to stand up in the tiny cell that is her crib.¬† It’s just a matter of time until she is standing on her own and taking those all important and momentous first couple of baby steps!¬† Good times!!

     Much like KeiLynn, we as a family are in a similar phase financially speaking.  Amanda has a good, steady flow of income from her job coming in and my bonus check, which will be bigger this year should be coming in the next month or so; should help us achieve our first two baby steps in our Financial Peace plan:  1. $1000 in savings; 2.  Paying off the small loans.  Hallelujah!!!

¬†¬†¬†¬† I can hear Sound Garden now; “I’m gonna break that rusty cage and run!”

Like Dave Ramsey says, “Run like a Gazelle from debt!”¬† – I think I might be more of a funky Ibex or something . ūüôā

 

 

 

Psalm 23:4  Even though I walk (drive) through the valley of the shadow of death (debt).  I will fear no evil, for you are with me;

¬†¬†¬†¬† Pastor Robert’s message this last Sunday was one in a series on the Bible – this one, in particular was on how the Word is the Breath of God.¬† He went on to give the analogy of how our spirit needs breath just like our physical bodies do.¬† He went on to show some examples of this and the power demonstrated in certain instances.

¬†¬†¬†¬† Mark 11:22-24 – And Jesus answering saith unto them, have faith in God.¬† For verily I say unto you, that whosoever shall say unto this mountain, “Be thou removed, and be thou cast into the sea.”; and shall believe these things which he saith shall come to pass, he shall have whatsoever he saith….

     I know a mountain I want moved, Mt. Killamanborrowed!!!  According to the scripture two things are required; faith and action (or in this instance speaking the word.) Romans 10:17 РSo then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the Word of God.  So hearing and reading the Word of God is like inhaling the Breath of God, so that later when it is needed, you can exhale (speak it) and then the Power of God moves in your life and situation.  Cool!

     Last time I talked about drowning in a sea of debt.  The children of Israel had a Red Sea they had to cross as well. 

Exodus 15:8-10 (excerpt from the Song of Moses and Miriam)

¬†¬†¬†¬† …..By the blast of Your nostrils the waters piled up.¬† The surging waters stood firm like a wall; the deep waters congealed in the heart of the sea.¬† The enemy boasted, ‘I will pursue, I will overtake them.¬† I will divide the spoils; I will gorge myself on them.¬† I will draw my sword and my hand will destroy them.’ But You blew Your breath, and the sea covered them.¬† They sank like lead in the mighty waters.

¬†¬†¬†¬† Like Pastor Robert said, “God is so awesome He destroyed Pharoah’s army with a sneeze!!

¬†¬†¬†¬† Of course, I couldn’t help but imagine this applying to our situation; it probably looked a lot cooler in my mind, but it was something like this:

¬†¬†¬†¬† Also, like the Israelites, it seems as though we’ve been wondering in the wilderness.¬† Now, we have our heading – journey for the promised land!¬† For the time being, we will “live like no one else” so that when we reach that blessed destination, we can “LIVE like no one else!” ūüôā

¬†¬†¬†¬† The primary points in the sermon centered around Ezekiel in the Valley of Dry Bones (Ezekiel 37).¬† God had Ezekiel to prophesy (speak God’s Word) over the bones.

     So I prophesied as I was commanded.  And as I was prophesying, there was a noise, a rattling sound, and the bones came together, bone to bone. (Ezekiel 37:7)

  1. God’s Word (Breath) – brings order. I looked and tendons and flesh appeared on them and skin covered them…..(Ezekiel 37:8)
  2. God’s Breath – gives strength.¬† The tendons, muscles, and skin to move the bones.¬† So I prophesied as He commanded me, and breath entered them; they came to life and stoop up on their feet – a vast army.
  3. God’s Breath – gives life.¬†

     Through Faith and Obedience (learning good stewardship and breathing the Word of God) we shall see the Valley of Dry, Broke Dollars come to life!  Amen!

     Our God is an AWESOME GOD!!  Casting all your cares upon Him; for He careth for you.        1 Peter 5:7

     Whatever our circumstance РGod can fix it; whether it be broken finances, broken hearts, broken lives:  even when it seems all hope is gone and it is a dead matter Рbreathe deep the Word of God and He shall breathe life into your situation. 

¬†¬†¬†¬† Faith, Hope, Love, Joy, and Peace – whether it be a resurrection or a babe’s first step – my God’s wonders never cease!!!!

¬†Love and God bless, Uncle Buck “Wango” Lamb and the Tango Tribe

If you would like to see any of the pictures in full and read the captions, just click on the picture, and enjoy!¬† Then click the back arrow to continue reading. ūüôā

Dear Bro and Co.,

     Yesterday  I had a splitting headache;  one in a series of small maladies to have come along putting my melon in a total funk. 

¬†¬†¬†¬† Yeah, I’ve been in a bit of a funk; a little on edge – not cranky mind you, just a tad touchy.¬† In addition to the headache, I’ve had stings by some sorta mystery bug that swelled up and itched like mad and a piece of light globe break off the ceiling fan fixture and jab my hand.¬† That was a bloody mess; literally.¬† I think I’m being attacked.¬† Why?¬† Because I’m in a funk.¬† Why?¬† Because I let it happen.¬† Simple, huh?¬† Not really, actually it’s quite complicated.¬† Amanda is back in the workforce – started at Macaroni Grill.¬† I guess I’m spoiled.¬† I like having her home.¬† As tough as it is on me and the kids; it’s toughest for Amanda – so I, as her husband, have a horrible cocktail of wounded pride and guilt stirring within.¬† I could go and work a minimum wage job on the side, but we need to pay off our debts as quick as we can – this is the fastest way to accomplish our goal (legal anyways). ūüôā¬† Unless something better presents itself, we’ll have to weather this for a season.¬† We can do it!¬† We’ve done it before; it just isn’t ideal – or pleasant.¬†

Financial Peace

¬†¬†¬†¬† Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University is great!¬† We’re learning a lot and we see the steps required to get us out of the cellar.¬† That said, I guess going into the class, I was hoping for a quick fix, warm fuzzies, and an easy peaceful feeling.¬† Fact is, there’s no easy fix just like there’s no such thing as easy money.¬† Strangely enough, I’ll quote Metallica here;¬† “To secure peace is to prepare for war!”

¬†¬†¬†¬† Well, if you are ill prepared as we were and parachute yourself behind enemy lines of debt as we have; unfortunately¬†you have to fight your way out of hostile territories in order to reach the land of the free and the place of peace.¬† The sharks aren’t evil, but they are sharks.¬† If we jump in their waters it should come as no surprise when they try to eat us, or at least devour our dollars.¬†

¬†¬†¬†¬† Every week I leave the course encouraged and humiliated:¬† encouraged to gain knowledge and wisdom and hope, humiliated with a big piece of humble pie for all the foolish mistakes I’ve made.¬† I almost think it should be called Financial Piece¬†University.¬† It would seem that most everyone gets served at least one slice.¬†

¬†¬†¬†¬† After each class we get in little discussion groups.¬† In our group, there is this older fella that I call “Froggy” cause he has a froggy¬†voice and I can’t remember his real name.¬† He may¬† not be rich per se, but you can tell he’s been savvy with his money.¬† Where I tend to sit in quiet contemplation, he is rather vocal.¬† Usually looking rather confident he says stuff like, “I’m glad me and Mildred have been doing most of the things Dave talks about.¬† We’re doing good, and we’re gonna get better!”¬† Which is cool.¬† I’m glad they’re doing good….then came the lesson on insurance (get term life, not whole life by the way – whole life insurance is a rip…the insurance company is the one making money).¬† I thought I might catch a break on this one.¬† Wrong!!!¬† I got served another slice….apparently so did Froggy – Mildred said he was so upset he left.¬† While I am truly sorry he was upset, I can’t help but feel a little like this:

¬†¬†¬†¬† Hopefully¬†Mr. Froggy will be back for the next class. Perhaps he is like me;¬†although I haven’t bailed on the class, I still find myself in this funk.¬† We shall overcome, for we are more than conquerors in Christ; just trying to motivate myself to rise up and march on to claim the victory rather than wallowing in defeat.¬†

¬†¬†¬†¬† Not only is living in defeat when ya don’t have to foolish – it down right stinks.¬† Most every man knows how to earn money.¬† One in a million knows how to spend it. -Henry Davin Thoreau

¬†¬†¬†¬† One of the things I’ve learned in my years of financial floundering is that bail outs don’t work.¬† Mom and dad have been generous and gracious enough to bail us out of some jams here and there.¬† Unlike the government they used money they actually had rather that spiking up the “National Debt”.¬† And, while we were and still are grateful for the help and relief given; it didn’t fix the underlying issues that were the cause of our dollar dilemmas.

¬†¬†¬†¬† We thought that living modestly meant being good stewards.¬† Turns out that is false if “modest Living” is above¬†your means.¬† We had bought into some terrible myths and it cost us dearly: 1. You need a credit card for emergencies!!!¬† Turns out, cash works better for emergency and non-emergency situations.¬† One of our first goals is to set up a $1000 emergency savings account.¬† Eventually we will have another account with 3-6 months living expenses saved up – for major emergencies.¬† By doing these two things, not only will we have a “peace” cushion; we will break the cycle of crisis living.¬†¬†**Seems like every time we paid our debts down or completely off, something would happen like a car repair and then it would start all over again.¬†** Get rid of all credit cards!!¬†¬† Cash works better.¬†¬† 2. Everybody has to have a house and a car payment.¬† Again we thought by buying a modest house and driving modest vehicles we were being responsible and conservative.¬† Turns out we shouldn’t have bought the house or any of the vehicles that we’ve purchased.¬† Good news; it can be overcome.¬† Dave Ramsey fell into the same trap many years ago and now not only is he financially secure (Dude is rich!); he’s teaching others how to overcome as well.¬† Seeing his and others success is an encouragement.¬†

¬†¬†¬†¬† ….Going back to bail outs, they don’t work!¬† Nowhere is this more evident than in the Bible.¬† In the Old Testament under the covenant with Abraham an annual sacrifice was required for the people’s¬†sins (debt) to be relieved.¬† “Oy, what a relief!”¬† Two problems remained:¬† 1. While the balance was brought current; the account (or debt) was not satisfied (paid in full, paid off).¬† 2.¬† The sinful nature that accrued such debt still remained and would accrue some more in the year to come.

¬†¬†¬†¬† So essentially it was like making a monthly payment of $30 on a credit card with a $3 trillion debt.¬† Why did God set this up?¬† Why not send Jesus straight away after the fall in the Garden?¬† Surely, I do not know all of His reasons;¬† for just as God is in His Heavens and I upon the earth, so are His thoughts higher than mine.. and probably a little more.¬† What I do know is this:¬† it shows all the more just how perfect Christ’s¬†sacrifice really is.¬†

  • Our debt is paid in full – eternally!
  • We are new creations in Christ with new natures

¬†¬†¬†¬† Hence, grace (God’s power) to overcome sin eternally and grace to overcome sin in the here and now.

     Our God is an Awesome God!!!!

….speaking of not smoking, a few stats to pass on:¬†

  • $3/day; $90/month
  • invested from age 16 to age 76 in¬†a 12% Money Market Account
  • =$11,622,00

Yep that’s over ELEVEN MILLION DOLLARS – not a typo!

Smoking doesn’t make good CENTS!!!

    

 

 

 

Beloved, I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health, even as thy soul prospereth. РIII John 2

¬†¬†¬†¬† We got the Financial Peace Junior curriculum so not only are we arming and equipping ourselves, we are going to teach and equip the kids as well.¬† Ready for battle.¬† Ready for class.¬† Ready to eat my slice of pie like a man and kick the devil’s rattle!!¬† ūüėČ

Love and God bless, Uncle¬†Buck “Wango” Lamb and the Tango Tribe

The Family Sea

If you would like to see any of the pictures in full and read the captions, just click on the picture, and enjoy!¬† Then click the back arrow to continue reading. ūüôā

Dear Bro and Co.,

¬†¬†¬†¬† With 4 years spaced between each kid, I guess you tend to forget some things – like how disgusting most baby foods taste and how messy and disgusting it is to try to cram it down a poor, defenseless infant’s throat.

¬†¬†¬†¬† When KeiLynn does like it – she attacks!!!!¬† She’s got arms and legs flailing and her head weaves back and forth with her mouth fully extended ready to crush and chomp with her¬†mighty baby incisors just like a Big Mouth Bass. And if she doesn’t like it, Kapooey!! – She spits it out!

Of course, this all got me to thinking…. if we were all fish, what kinds would we be?

I, of course, see myself as a bit of a catfish, given the whiskerage¬†and all.¬† Ironic, since I hate cats.¬† Hmmmm……

¬†¬†¬†¬† Mathias seems fit to be a clownfish¬†as he always likes to clown around, his favorite color is orange, and he has some big ol’ clomper shoes. (No shame in that!)

¬†Kiara?¬† Definitely a slippery, silly eel – electric – cause she can be shockingly funny and dangerous!¬† ūüôā

 

 

 

 

 

Janie would have to be the puffer fish of the family because, believe me brother, when she gets upset, she gets all puffed up! Quite the phenomenon!

¬†¬†¬†¬† Our mom – a croaker fish; like one of the Northeastern spiky crested Sea Robins that you and Kristian caught a few years back.¬† She’s always croaking about someone croaking, whether it be her or somebody else.¬† And, when she’s cranky….. yeah, she’s a lot like this:

    

I know what you’re thinking – he’s not a fish.¬† Since when has Dad been like everyone else?¬† Not to mention he needs the thick skin and shell to survive being married to a vicious croaker like mom.¬† Plus, Dad will enjoy using his head wipes on his head and his shell.¬† Turtle Wax!!! Haha!!!

¬†¬†¬†¬† What is he?¬† Troy is a Wobbegong¬†shark – also Mathias’ favorite shark.¬† Quite the opposite of his Pufferfish wife – Troy keeps his cool and keeps a low profile lounging and burrowing in the sand, hoping annoying G.G.’s will leave him alone.

     Let us not forget one of the most fierce and vicious of our family fish:  the dreaded Grandmacudda.  Yep, Aunt Jane Рteeth, cane, and all.  YIKES!!

¬†¬†¬†¬† And then….the bain and pain of Troy’s existence… his mother-in-law…..the horrible, the terrible – “God save us all!” Great White G.G. Shark!!¬† AAAHHHHHH!!!!!¬† …..She’s actually not that bad unless she puts in her sets of dentures.

¬†¬†¬†¬† Last, and most important….my beautiful bride; Amanda.¬† She’s an Angelfish to put up with me.¬† God bless her!¬† I love her so!

Love and God bless, Uncle Buck “Wango” Lamb and the Tango Tribe

If you would like to see any of the pictures in full and read the captions, just click on the picture, and enjoy!¬† Then click the back arrow to continue reading. ūüôā

Dear Bro and Co.,

¬†¬†¬†¬† I suppose every family has to have one; the prompt, “I-hate-to-be-late!” parent.¬† Of course, it always made things interesting on Sunday.¬† You and I were always lackadaisical and slow, which made our father go totally bonkers.¬† By the time we made it to church, he was usually foaming at the mouth and spewing cuss words.¬†

¬†¬†¬†¬† Although not nearly as profane, Amanda is most definitely the “tardy officer” of our family.¬† This Easter service was no exception; although it was exceptional.¬† Granny Janie decided to make the girls’¬† Easter dresses this year.¬† And, she was putting in the last stitches as Amanda was loading the kids into the car at a furious pace with a furious face.¬† Of course, the gushing Granny had to have pictures too.

¬†¬†¬†¬† Amanda remained stoically poised on the outside – she even smiled for the pictures, whilst on the inside she was in anal angst – the clock was ticking “Darn it! We’re gonna be late!”…. and we were, but not by much.¬†

     As for the dresses, they turned out pretty.  Although they are a bit poofy with all those layers of ruffles.  Oh yeah, and she did leave a few needles in the fabric Рso KeiLynn was kind of like a big pink pin cushion.  In addition, they put an obnoxiously big pink bow on her head Рwhich she hates.

¬†¬†¬†¬† As a man, I am compelled to ask stupid questions like, “Why do you insist on putting those goofy bows on her head?”¬† The answer to which is:¬† “So she’ll look like a girl.” ….I thought that was what the dress was for.¬† In reality it is an inherent instinct of the mother to “doll” her girls up no matter how impractical or uncomfortable for the child.¬† Amanda gripes about how her mom used to dress her, and yet, against better judgement and common sense; hormones and maternal instinct compel her to lavish the girls in layers of pink confectionary contraptions.

¬†¬†¬†¬† Am I upset or complaining about how Amanda dresses the girls? No sir!¬† I’m grateful.¬† I, as a stupid slobacious man still haven’t figured out the arts and crafts of putting little girls in tights and pig tails.¬† God bless Amanda and all the other moms – dress away!

¬†¬†¬†¬† Speaking of pink confections…. Troy and Janie decided to bless little man with an Easter suit – complete with a pink tie.¬† Needless to say, Mathias was not enthused about that tie.¬† They wanted to get him a pink suit.¬† I was a good dad, I pointed out the fact that at his age, pink is not an acceptable color – he would be ridiculed.¬† Of course, Janie sat there with her vacant eyes and goofy smile and said, “Real men wear pink.”¬† And I said, “At Troy’s age,¬† no one really gives a rip what color he’s wearing.”¬† I was a good dad, as soon as we were out of sight, I let him take the tie off.

¬†¬†¬†¬† It had been a beautiful day¬†– probably the best weather of the year; and the kids had taken full advantage playing outside most of the day.¬† For Kiara, that means running full speed like a banshee trying to catch any critter that moves.¬† The result….

A totally zonked¬†out, pretty little girl covered in pink confection and dirt.¬† It’s a strange mix – the malaise of pixie dust perfume and earthy four-year old sweat.¬† She was out cold before we made it out of the neighborhood.¬† Heck, I think she may have been drooling and pooling before little man managed to Houdini himself out of that pink tie.

¬†¬†¬†¬† Not only was I blessed by the sermon at service, KeiLynn kept me laughing.¬† I held her in my lap and it didn’t take long for her to discover my tie.¬† Not only did she free herself from her ginormous head bow; she continued pulling¬†my tie back and forth buffing her little punim head and laughing.¬† I think I’ll start wearing ties every Sunday.¬† Since it seems to amuse her.¬† So, I might even put on Mathias’ pink one.¬† ūüôā Nah!!!

¬†¬†¬†¬† KeiLynn put the masterstroke on what was truly a¬†masterpiece (or should I say, “Masterpoop”)¬†of an evening.¬† She expressed her feelings about the cocoon of pink fabric and lace that enveloped her by pooping all over it.¬† That’s right, one of her volcanic butt¬†eruptions spewed and oozed orange paste past the diaper levees and through the tights brandishing the Granny garment with its fiery¬†hues.¬† It would seem that the Hindenburg and the Titanic suffered lesser fates than this Easter dress.

     As for the Easter message:  it was about Jesus the Lamb.  The Lamb was 1. provided, 2. pure, and 3. perfect.  Pastor gave the illustration of  a Jewish man making the pilgrimage to Jerusalem for the annual sacrifice.  So here is this guy walking with his lamb Рwas he thinking;

  1. ¬†“I hope they don’t ask me if I’ve followed the Sabbath and kept the Commandments.”¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†
  2. ¬†“I hope they don’t ask me if I’ve faithfully read the Scriptures.”
  3. ¬†” I hope they don’t make fun of my pink Kippeh that my wife made me wear.”

¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†Thank you, Lord and praises be!¬† They don’t examine the man, they examine the Lamb and ours is provided, pure, and perfect.¬† Behold, Jesus Christ – the Lamb of God; provided, pure¬†and perfect!!!

Love and God Bless,¬† Uncle Buck “Wango” Lamb and the¬†¬†Tango Tribe

Dear Bro. and Co.,

¬†¬†¬†¬† One of the first things that Amanda and I did when we found out we were going to have KeiLynn was to pick out some stuffed animals.¬† Among these was a little purple tiger that hasn’t left her since day one.¬† She likes to roll its tail between her fingers while she goes to sleep.¬† Being the wise parents that we are, or try to be, we thought we might ought to buy a back-up.¬† We actually found one, brought it home, and tried the ol’ switcheroo….. Rejection!!!¬† She immediately knew it was an imposter.¬† Now-a-days, Tiger’s tail is worn pretty thin and the purple markings that adorn his tail are soiled a dingy blackish-brown.¬† Funny and interesting – the things that we choose to hold on to, the things that give us comfort.

¬†¬†¬†¬† …..Speaking of holding on to things, Amanda was trying to do a school project with the kids a couple of weeks ago and she found that the biggest challenge was getting Mathias to hold on to the object.¬† What was the object, you might ask?¬† You would sooner guess Rumpelstiltskin’s name I dare say.¬† It is a ……….. MUMMY CHICKEN!¬†

Apparently mummifying a¬†chicken is a six-week process.¬† So far, there is good progress; through four treatments the chicken is less slimy and gross and Mathias is less squeamish.¬† Hopefully the trauma of day one won’t scar him too badly.

¬†¬†¬†¬† …..Speaking of traumatic experiences, that would pretty well summarize most trips into stores (of any kind) these days.¬† Mathias threw one temper tantrum – ever.¬† Super easy kid.¬† Kiara tried it two or three times; she was a fast learner.¬† KeiLynn is, in P.C. terms a challenge, in honest real terms, ¬†a freakin’ nightmare.¬† Most trips end like this:

¬†…..Speaking of public humiliations…. We were at Academy Sports in the checkout line and Kiara came¬†over and gave me a big hug and said, “I love you, Daddy.”¬† It was a special Daddy-Daughter moment.¬† As I was basking in the glow of knowing my little girl adores me, and feeling that at least I’m doing something right, this happens:

…..So, a couple of weeks ago, Mathias accidentally dropped our iron and broke it.¬† Any time I think of irons and ironing, I can’t help but think of “Papa Troy”.¬† Amanda and I have been married almost 13 years;¬†it didn’t take long for me to notice that whenever something angers or upsets Dad, that he retreats to the back of the house and starts ironing.¬† I suppose it is natural for everyone to have an outlet or some sort of coping mechanism to help them deal with or escape their problems.¬† Knowing Troy, he is probably talking it out with God while taking it out on the laundry, which is infinitely better than turning to drugs or getting violent.¬†

That said, he has the smoothest and the stiffest shirts of anyone that I’ve ever met.¬† That said, we here at Tango have decided to dub him with the title and powers of a superhero:

     Now that our hero has recognized his powers, he is confronted by Tony Stark, who it turns out is petty and jealous.

¬†¬†¬†¬† Without a word or warning, he launches missiles at the newly anointed IRONMAN.¬† The missiles can not penetrate through the layers of starch on Pierce’s cape.

    

 

 

 

¬†It didn’t take long for Mr. Pierce to dispose of his enemy, proving once and for all that he alone is worthy of the name – IRONMAN!

 

 

 Next, our hero was off to fight against his dreaded nemesis, the giant wrinkle monster:  SHAR PEI.

     IRONMAN immobilizes the  beast with a shot of super starch!

     With just a few good steam presses, the wrinkly wrecking machine was smoothed and reduced to a tame little wiener dog.  The city was saved!

¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬† ¬†…..except for one building.

     All that, and he helped me install a new faucet on my kitchen sink all in the same day!  What a super guy I have for a father-in-law!!!  We sure do love and appreciate our Papa Troy and we hope to have him with us for many years to come.

¬†¬†¬†¬† That said, looking ahead to “the great by and by”, we would like to assume that there will be no agitations there.¬† But , assuming that G.G., Troy’s mother-in-law, will be there; I have to imagine that the Good Lord will have something ready for him.

¬†¬†¬†¬† I don’t suppose it would be right to talk about Papa Troy without mentioning Granny Janie.¬† Let’s face it, she is a little bit country.¬† Nothing wrong with that; but she does have her own lingo.¬† she still puts groceries and luggage in a “Turtle Hull” instead of a car trunk; she “runs acrost” items instead of finding them; and everyone’s favorite: …..she “worshes” the clothes and dishes instead of washing them.¬† Everyone is forever correcting and teasing her about worshing stuff.

¬†¬†¬†¬† I couldn’t freaking believe it!¬† I had to rub my eyes and blink twice.¬† There it was, right there in the newspaper, sure and true enough it was a picture of an honest-to-goodness Worshing Machine!!!¬† WOW!!!

¬†¬†¬†¬† I know what you’re thinking – it’s a strange vision of Heaven where St. Peter is getting the worshing machine ready for Janie.¬†

¬†¬†¬†¬† Actually, it is a man named John Wells, a retired fashion photographer standing next to one of his many enviro-friendly contraptions that he uses in his new life roughing it down by the Mexican border.¬† My guess is that he is either the drug cartel’s biggest client, or he is the one and only person in the world that they are afraid of and leave alone.¬† I wonder if the Bike-O-Worsher can be used for money laundering.¬†

     Long and short of it, I guess we all owe Mom an apology Рapparently you really can worsh stuff. 

     We send this letter to you, praying that your tribe is in good health and has many prosperous years ahead of you.  May you have the love and peace of Christ and the true comfort of the Holy Spirit; and may you enjoy the comforts of the small blessings found in this life whether it be squishy tiger tails, groovy tunes, warm knee caps, or having all your linens worshed and ironed.

Love and God Bless, Uncle Buck “Wango” Lamb and the Tango Tribe

By the way, if you’d like to see the pictures in full, just click on them & then click the back arrow to get back to reading!¬† Enjoy! ūüėČ

Speed, agility, stealth and cunning.  Relentless in her pursuit Рwatch the great huntress, Kiara Рbeauty in action.  No creeping, crawling, hopping, bopping, fluttering, sputtering critter with at least six legs stands a chance.  She has had five years to hone her skills and perfect her craft.  Now to watch her strike is to watch poetry in motion Рbrutal poetry!!!!             

Of course, every buggy  handles incarceration differently.  Some pretty much give up and die Рimmediately and effectively becoming an exoskeleton of their former selves.   

Some become manic Рsuch as Bug Adams Рa dragonfly that kept flipping off all the birds.  Initially we thought about fining him, but ultimately we just let him go. 

¬†Then there are the “lifers” – those that just seem to settle in and remain content with their confinement.¬† One such critter seemed as though he’d stick around forever.¬† We named him Mothusaleh and eventually let him go.

Some bugs go into a panic right from the get go – even when there isn’t any real danger.¬†

Then, of course, there are those who try to play it cool – no matter what.¬† Just so you know, the Snoop Dog Elephant Fly is no match for the Mr. T werewolf spider……. shame, really!!!¬†¬† They say those Elephant Flies are quite rare. Poor dude, never saw it coming.¬† I find it amazing and baffling:¬† bugs (insects, spiders, etc.) despite having very complex optical designs, often times with multiple eyes and/or lenses, have poor eyesight.¬† Most spiders have eight eyes.¬† Most insects only have two actual eyes, but many of them have compound eyes; flies, bees, and dragonflies, etc.

In fact, dragonflies have 30,000 lenses in each eye.

Additionally, dragonflies (still with the standard number of six insect legs) can’t walk.¬† They obviously help with landing, standing, and balance; still it almost seems a waste of legs.¬† Imagine what I could do with an extra set of arms or legs – make a bigger mess of things than I already do.¬† So, what’s with the multiple and compound eyes?¬† Perhaps one of many questions for Heaven.¬† According to scientists, most bugs don’t have very good eyesight.¬† In fact, many are limited to visibility of just one or two feet – talk about being short-sighted!¬† Usually they can smell you before they see you (hint – don’t use the magazine with all those stinky perfume samples as your bug wapper!)

Back in the day, I used to get pretty mad when kids would call me four eyes.¬† They usually didn’t do it more than once (I may have been a nerd, but I was a nerd who could scrap – and did).¬† Of course that was back in the first grade before I was saved and before school yard disputes were settled with litigation instead of good ol’ fist-a-cuffs. ūüôā Of course, now-a-days, such petty insults would be greeted with laughter by myself.¬† Good thing too – that I don’t take offense easily – cause sure enough our pastor, Robert Morris, looked out in the congregation¬†recently and called us all Four Eyes!!!

Actually, he was just repeating what Jesus said.¬† So, to be more precise, God called us all four eyes.¬† Come to think of it, He didn’t actually specify the number of spiritual eyes that we¬†have – so, I can’t help but wonder:¬† Are our spirits like the “living creatures” described in Revelation 4:6 as being “covered with eyes”, do we have two as we do in our fleshly bodies, or do we merely have one big spiritual eye like a cyclops.¬† Being spiritual Cyclopses might explain why we are so easily blinded to the Truth sometimes.¬† I can just imagine the ol’ devil running around trying to poke everybody in their eye.¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†

So, should we fear satan – the eye poker?¬† No!¬† Just keep your guard up.¬† Like in boxing, protect your face.¬† *Submit yourselves therefore to God.¬† Resist the devil and he will flee from you.¬† James 4:7* There again, I can’t help but wonder if eyes aren’t a means of reward or ranking.¬† The four creatures are stationed around the throne – so I’m assuming they are high-ranking.¬† So, maybe for every spiritual battle we (through Christ) win, we get another spiritual eye to see with.¬† Kinda like in college football.¬† Some teams give rank or rewards for special/good plays and such with stickers and decals all over their helmets.¬† If so, I hope to finish my season with many eyes on my helmet.

He took the blind man by the hand and led him outside the village.¬† When he had spit (hwak, ptooey!!!)on the man’s eyes and put his hands on him, Jesus asked, “Do you see anything?”He looked up and said, “I see people; they look like trees walking around.”Once more Jesus put his hands on the man’s eyes.¬† Then his eyes were opened, his sight was restored, and he saw everything clearly.¬† Mark 8:23-25¬†¬†¬†¬†Over the years, I’ve pondered over these verses.¬† 1. Why did Jesus spit on this dude?¬† (He didn’t do this every time He healed someone.)¬† 2. And, more important, why did He touch the guy’s eyes twice to restore his vision?¬†¬† I’ve heard many a debate and even a few messages addressing these questions – none of which I found to be satisfactory until Pastor Robert taught a lesson on it.¬† He had heard some of the same false ideas and inaccuracies.¬† Not satisfied and stymied himself, he said he was studying and mulling it over one day when the Holy Spirit asked him if he wanted to know what took place in this passage.¬† Answering, “Yes, please,” his spiritual eyes were then able to see it.¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†The first time Jesus touched the man, He opened his spiritual eyes.¬† This makes sense because of two things:¬† 1. Jesus had just talked to the disciples about spiritual blindness – Mark 8:17-18¬† …”Do you still not see or understand?¬† Are your hearts hardened?¬† Do you have eyes but fail to see, and ears but fail to hear?….¬†¬† 2.¬† The man saw men as trees.¬† In the scriptures, men (spiritually) are referred to as being trees.¬† **No small coincidence – Jesus is a carpenter!!**¬†¬†A.¬† Many references to men being known by their fruit.¬† Good-fruitful trees, bad-unfruitful trees. B. In Revelation, the two witnesses are referred to as being two olive trees. C. Daniel 4:20-22¬† King Nebuchadnezzar saw a giant tree with much fruit in a dream.¬† Daniel interpreted the dream – the tree represented the King.¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†

Just guessing what the guy saw over Christ’s shoulder:¬†

So, why not open the man’s spiritual and physical eyes at the same time?¬† He was showing/teaching the disciples a lesson.¬† Like a lot of other things, they probably didn’t understand it until later.¬† Also, why the spit or spittle?¬† I’m still not entirely sure.¬† It wasn’t the first or only time He used spittle, but it was the only time documented where He spits directly on a person’s face.¬† I’m just speculating¬†here, but I’d guess the disciples had short attention spans, so Jesus said, “Hey! Pay attention!¬† Ptooey!!”

*I will instruct thee and teach thee in the way which thou shalt go:  I will guide thee with mine eye. Psalm 32:8                        

*We live by faith, not by sight. 2 Corinthians 5:7

*So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but what is unseen.  For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.  2 Corinthians 4:18                                                                                                                                     

So, shall we daily ask ourselves РWhich set of eyes are you looking with?  Are you blind?

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